Changing the "spare tire" syndrome I've said these words before about everything from cookie lawsuits to pet laundromats, but now I've just got to say them to you again… Only in California. It seems that the latest session of Governor Shwarzenegger's California legislature is expected to approve a bill allowing cosmetic facial surgery to be performed BY DENTISTS. That's right: Soon Golden State residents will be able to order up a pair of cheek implants or God-knows-what else from the same chap who just pulled their wisdom teeth, according to a recent article in the New York Times. Supporting dentists argue that since they are trained in oral and maxillofacial surgery, they should be allowed to practice the same plastic surgery it takes an M.D. eleven or twelve years to be licensed to perform. Opponents of the legislation - chiefly the plastic surgeons that stand to lose a bundle if this law makes the books - cite the already-lax standards in cosmetic procedures (anyone with an M.D. degree can legally hang out their shingle as a cosmetic surgeon) being performed by doctors other than specialists in plastic surgery. According to these folks (greedy though they may be), the reputation of their industry is in jeopardy. And they may have a point, in my opinion. There's a lot of ignorance out there about cosmetic surgery, and many people would no doubt be seduced by the idea of adding a quick chin lift or eyelid job to their root canal procedure. Sensible, rational people like you and I wouldn't be tempted to let our dentists do this kind of cutting on us, but remember: These are folks whose self-images are weak enough to convince them they need to CHANGE THEIR FACES. Offering them cut-rate facelifts while at the dentist's office just seems a little bit predatory, don't you think? Besides, the consequences of botched bridgework aren't really on display for the whole world to see. Our faces, on the other hand, are the only things we have to show the world - shouldn't we leave their modification to the most highly trained specialist physicians out there? Or better yet, just leave them alone? **************************************** Hard wired for hard work Here's some "news" from the psychiatric wing of the medical world: It seems we get more satisfaction out of money we earn as opposed to money we're given. To this, I say… Well, DUH! Isn't that what the old adage "easy come, easy go" refers to - our tendency as humans to treat windfall, gift, or hand-me-down cash cavalierly, while savoring the fruits of our hard-earned dough? I'll tell you, for almost everything the psych doctors trumpet as the latest revelation in their fields, there's a saying that's already got it covered. More and more to me, it seems like the real purpose of the psycho-sciences is to put into fancy words and number (at your expense much of the time, I might add) what people have already learned about each other through the millennia of human interaction. According to the Emory University study's authors (as reported by the AP), other research has shown that lottery winners are not happier a year after hitting the jackpot than they were when they were working for a living. I don't know about you, but I think I could somehow maintain a happy outlook with a hundred million extra bucks or so to burn - especially if I did something worthwhile with the money… Like start my own mass-circulation publication devoted to promoting the proverbs, adages, maxims, and old wives' tales that tell us everything we really need to know about human nature - without all the jargon and gobbledygook the pointy-heads use to make their points… "Maxim"-izing the straight dope about humans AND nature, William Campbell Douglass II, MD | 
