Weird, wacky, and wild
Not that I thought there'd be any shortage of news items that qualify for my new monthly "weird, wild and wacky" compilation - I just never imagined that I'd come across so many odd and unusual tidbits that just seem too telling to resist reporting on.
Now that I'm actually looking for these items in the course of sifting through the stacks of things I review every day, I find more than can be relayed without filling an article a week or more with them. Just goes to show what a truly weird world we live in. And to so demonstrate…
In the old days (and in the old country), brides were often kidnapped by men from neighboring villages. In fact, the term "best man" refers not to a groom's dearest friend, but the one most skilled in the arts of war-for it was his job to fend off the bride-to-be's kinfolk while the groom carried off his conquest. But I don't think there's a term for what happened recently in Salt Lake City, Utah: A bride-to-be was indeed kidnapped, but by her OWN MOM AND DAD.
According to the AP and other reports, the woman's parents first tried to dissuade her from marrying, then offered to take her shopping the day before her wedding. But instead of to the mall, they took her on a 250-mile joyride to neighboring Colorado and held her there until her ceremony had passed. The bride was not amused. After promising her parents she wouldn't call her betrothed, they brought her home. She married three days later, and pressed second-degree felony kidnapping charges against her parents. No word on whether they made the guest list for the delayed nuptials…
You know those ads for prescription impotence drugs that say "consult your doctor for erections lasting for more than four hours" in the disclaimers? Well, imagine having an erection for 10 years. That's exactly what has happened to a 68-year-old handyman from Rhode Island, according to an Associated Press article from a few weeks ago. He's been in a constant state of, um, arousal (so to speak) since 1996.
That's when his steel and plastic penile implant - which is supposed to be adjustable "up" or "down" depending on the need - got stuck permanently at attention. Naturally, the novelty of this condition wore off years ago, and so the poor guy sued the maker of this two-way adjustable implant. His case isn't going well, though. After initially being awarded $750,000 by a jury, a judge reduced the settlement to 400,000. After that, another judge has recently dismissed the man's claim, holding that the implant maker isn't liable for the man's state of permanent readiness. Looks like he'll be standing on his head to urinate for the duration..
A recent study in the UK concluded that bicyclists who wear helmets (like the law stipulates in many areas of Europe) are actually MORE likely to be hit by traffic they're riding in than helmet-less riders. The research, conducted by a "traffic psychologist" using a distance-sensing ultrasound rig, pinpoints the reason for this: Drivers tend to crowd helmeted riders more - around three inches closer on average. Conversely, a long-haired wig caused drivers to grant an additional five inches or more of road space. I wonder how long it'll be before they pass a law stipulating that all helmets worn by UK cyclists must have built-in wigs…
In a story to make animal rights activists break out in hives, a woman babysitting for three toddlers was forced to "bear" some serious firepower when a 422-pound black bear (a "trophy" bruin is considered anything over 350 pounds) barged into the yard where she was babysitting her sister's three toddlers. Keeping a cool head and a steady aim, she ushered the kids inside and dispatched the beast with a 7mm magnum rifle as it tried to claw its way into the home through the back door. The great irony for anyone who might speak up for the "rights" of the bear is that the girl was a licensed hunter - she protected her nieces and nephews AND filled her tag with a trophy at the same time!
Well, that's about it for this month. I'll have a few more in a few weeks, I'm sure. Perhaps I'll try to dig some up with a political theme in honor of election day. Or maybe Halloween will present some stories worth a weird mention. We'll find out. 'Til next time… |
