Weird, Wild and Wacky, Election Day edition
Like I relay every month, here are some of the stories you just have to hear, but that may not warrant a full expose in the Daily Dose. As promised, a few of these relate to recent elections. Enjoy, lament, or just shake your head in amazement…
Voters in Union County, North Carolina (population 155,000) had strong enough opinions about one Democrat running for the region's Soil and Water Conservation Board that they ushered him into office with a decisive margin of 12,000 votes. There was only one problem: The candidate had himself been ushered past St. Peter's pearly gates for over a month! This fact didn't stop the local Democrat Party leadership from running aggressive newspaper ads and other endorsements right up until Election Day. Apparently, they didn't realize their own candidate was six feet under. Whether or not the deceased politician will be able to vote on county business via a medium has not yet been determined.
Bartender and small-town Mayoral candidate Randy Wooten probably didn't count on votes from all the people who claimed they'd cast ballots for him - all eight or nine of them. But he figured on getting at least one vote: His own! Yet according to City Hall officials in his hometown of Waldenburg, Arkansas (population 80), Wooten received 0 votes on Election Day. Oddly enough, the two others running for the office each got 18 votes, which forces a run-off scheduled for November 28th. Elections officials are at a loss to explain the discrepancy, since the votes were cast on one of today's electronic voting machines that are supposed to be such a panacea for fouled-up elections. Guess they've still got some bugs to work out.
It's an old action-movie standby: Something in the hero's pocket stops him from being killed by a bullet in a duel or gunfight - a good luck charm, a flask, a cigarette case, or more often than not, a Bible. But for one Florida man, it was no motion-picture cliché. According to an Associated Press report from November 7, the man's life was more than likely saved when an assailant's bullet was indeed stopped by two miniature Bibles in the fortunate man's pocket. Apparently, the Bibles weren't part of the shaken, but unscathed 54-year-old victim's regular accoutrements. He was only carrying the pair of pint-sized New Testaments to deliver them to some friends later on. I feel certain that at least one of them will be on his person at all times from now on.
For years, we've been hearing about the increased incidence of mountain lion attacks in woods and on trails in suburban California. And predictably, the largely animal-loving Golden State seems content to allow wildlife to gnaw on some of its citizens from time to time instead of implementing proper control measures (read: hunting). Not to be outdone by a bunch of outsized cats, Left Coast squirrels are now getting uppity, too…
Apparently, there just aren't enough acorns to go around in Cuesta Park in Mountain View, CA. This has led to a spate of "attacks" in which brazen tree squirrels have pounced on people with food in their hands. At least six such incidents have transpired since May, according to local spokespersons. Naturally, the town's plan to "put to sleep" the squirrels has been met with opposition from animal-loving locals. Perhaps they should just stop feeding them instead. Or do what we did when I was a kid: Turn some teenagers with .22s loose in the park for a few afternoons.
In another tale of once in-check wildlife run amuck, a wild bear recently dashed onto a racetrack and attacked three harness-racing horses! According to accounts from one shaken coachman (who broke a few ribs as he was tossed from his carriage), the bear charged them from behind on a practice run, easily overtaking the horses. But he got more than he bargained for as hooves and harnesses went flying. Apparently, the thoroughbreds unleashed quite the thumpin' on their attacker, sending him bawling and limping back into the woods. Other than the odd cut or elevated heart rate, the horses were unscathed. The AP report on this incident claims Sweden's once-decimated bear population has rebounded to more than 2,500 bruins.
Interesting side-note: A grizzly bear can sprint as fast as the fastest racehorses on the planet. They've been clocked from helicopters at 35 miles per hour over open ground. |
