Weird, Wild, and Wacky - the "rubber match" One thing's for certain: If the entire mainstream medical establishment and all the politicians were all of a sudden to do everything I tell them - to start making sense, in other words - there would still be plenty to write about. And weirdly, all of today's features just happen to involve RUBBER. Cases in point: City of Rubber-ly Love? Here's a great snapshot of how liability-sensitive we've become: The City Council of Philadelphia - where our beloved system of government that's supposed to emphasize "individual accountability" was forged, ironically - is seriously considering replacing all the concrete sidewalks in the town with rubber. The material is from recycled tires, and the Council's main champion of the plan cites the resiliency of rubber compared to the constant cracking of concrete. The likelihood that it could save a bunch of money in predatory lawsuits brought by clumsy people also factors into their equation, sources say. Whether we can "bounce back" from the bass-ackwards litigiousness that plagues our society remains to be seen… Retreads Renew Flipper's Flight More than merely amusing, this is actually remarkable: In a joint project with a Japanese aquarium, the Bridgestone Corporation (the tire and rubber people) has engineered an ingenious prosthetic tail-flipper for an ailing dolphin. "Fuji," a beloved veteran performer in the facility's marine mammal exhibitions, had lost 75% of its tail to a rare disease. As a result, she'd lost her will to swim, and would just float listlessly day after day… But using a variant of the supple rubber used for Formula One racing tires, Bridgestone's wizards designed a 48-inch, 2-kilogram prosthetic tail that - after numerous refinements over a 3-year period - Fuji was able to tolerate well enough to get used to swimming with. Thanks to the tire-maker, she's now jumping again, and nearly indistinguishable from her pool-mates. Cost: Approximately $83,000. And worth ever penny, if you ask me… (But I hope it was done with contributions and not tax money. Eighty-three grand would feed a lot of malnourished children.)
Rubber Baby Buggers Bumpers How's this for ridiculous: In California, high-school kids are required to take classes in responsible parenting in which an "educational" (read: creepy robotic) doll cries, wets itself, and engages in other babyish behaviors while internal timers and sensors evaluate how well the teenaged "parent" attends to it. At least one of these kids is likely looking at an "F"… Soon after taking delivery of her "baby," the 17-year-old was so startled by the doll's first outburst of crying that she swerved into a freeway guardrail and then plowed into a pickup truck! No one was hurt, thank God. The AP article on the incident didn't say whether the California Highway Patrol cited the girl for not having the doll in a child safety seat… Here's what's really funny about this: If the kid had ripped the doll's head off in a rage (like any normal person would have done) at having wrecked her car for some idiotic school project involving peeing, balling toys, she'd probably now be in some anger management program, or expelled from school. Heck, it's California - she'd have probably been brought up on child abuse charges… No Rubber = Muy Plastic! And we wonder what spurs the flight of illegal immigrants from points south to the Land of the Free (literally). Apparently, it's not enough that our society is handing them both the rights and benefits supposedly reserved for American citizens - we're also lending them money, too! In an unbelievable stroke of irony, the BANK OF AMERICA has instituted a program in L.A. and Los Angeles County - home of a denser concentration of illegals than anywhere else in the country - that grants these freeloaders credit cards without requiring Social Security numbers or other official IDs! To qualify, all they need is to open and use a B of A checking account for 3 months without writing a "rubber" check. Giving them free toasters (and a free lunch) just isn't enough, I guess… | 
