More self-esteem = less cause for others' esteem The Praise Malaise, part 3 In the first 2 parts of this series, I showed you some new research revealing that the tendency of many self-aggrandizing modern parents to glorify their children's natural gifts (things like intelligence) in the name of their "self-esteem" actually leads to underachievement… But that's not all it leads to, according to more research summarized in the New York magazine article from February 19th I've been referencing for this series (a great read, even if it's from a typically far-left rag). Over-praising kids - or praising them for the wrong things - can also lead to rather ignoble personality traits. According to research from the same group of Columbia scholars that conducted the study I summarized in part 2, over-praising kids leads to a tendency toward selfishness, hyper-competitiveness, and the desire to tear down others' success. Here are some of their findings: - A study in which test students were given a choice between learning their performance ranking relative to other kids on the first of two puzzles or using that same time to be taught a new strategy for solving the second puzzle, those who were praised on their intelligence (their "smarts" instead of their "effort") chose to find out their rank rather than better prepare for the next challenge.
- In a second study of similar students (two groups, one praised for brains, the other for perseverance), the kids were asked to fill out progress reports on themselves they were told would be mailed to students at other schools - kids the test subjects would never know or meet. Fully 40% of the "smart" praise-group inflated their scores, yet few in the "effort" group lied.
What's all this mean? It means that children who are conditioned by their parents and well-meaning teachers into believing they're gifted (even if they are) are more concerned with maintaining their own bloated self-images and demoralizing possible rivals than they are with actually achieving anything or improving themselves. These aren't desirable personality traits. Some research also shows that these kids may be more likely than others to CHEAT, the New York article maintains. What's really ironic is that after a certain point, praising kids is very likely to backfire. Keep reading… Here are some more startling findings regarding praising kids: Apparently, youngsters see right through parents' and teachers' efforts at instilling them with self-esteem through praise. According to sources from the article… - Only very young kids (age 7 and under) take praise at face value
- By age 12, children perceive praise from a teacher not as a sign that they did well at something - but that they actually lack sufficient skill at it and require additional encouragement
- Teenaged students discount praise altogether, and consider a teacher's criticism as the only true testament to their abilities to do better. Teens that don't get criticized perceive themselves as having reached their full potential in educators' eyes, however mediocre that potential may be.
In other words, maturing kids pay attention not to parents' and teachers' words, but to underlying meanings. Hyped-up compliments and encouragement means they need help and emotional bolstering to reach even an average level of achievement, whereas criticism means they have untapped potential for excellence… See, kids aren't stupid. But parents, teachers, guidance counselors, and head-doctors who buy into self-esteem theory ARE, by and large. And if you're not careful, your kids or grandkids will pay the price for their narcissism and misguided-ness. How to fight back in the last installment of this series, in the next Daily Dose… | 
